Lessons on 31

The post you are reading today was meant to go up about three months ago. I set out on Tuesday May 4th- the day before my 32nd birthday- to reflect on what I’d learned about myself in the past year. Except that my blog had other plans for me because for the next week Everything Ami kept going on and off-line about twenty times a day. Soon after, things didn’t work out with someone I cared about, I left for El Salvador to visit my parents for a few weeks, and now here we are. Without further ado, here are the lessons I’ve learned since turning 31.

What a complete 360 my life has taken since I last celebrated a birthday. I will forever remember my 31st as it was spent alone, in France, during lockdown. But it was not a bad birthday at all; in fact, it has become my favorite birthday to date. But what have I learned since? Perhaps the most significant lesson I’ve learned is this: I am stronger than I think I am. The events of 2020 threw us all through a hurdle- and that’s before individual circumstances come to play. Moving abroad, going through a breakup, traveling through Western Europe alone, losing someone close to me, beginning a long-distance relationship, moving back home, graduating undergrad… You get the picture. Life as a 31 year old really tested me, and it is only from the other side that I can truly marvel at the fact that somehow I got through it all. It’s always been in me, this strength, I’ve just never been able to see it until now.

Cliché as it may sound, I’ve finally learned that it’s okay to take your time. While I’ve always known this, it’s different when you believe it and actually live by it. While this might’ve resulted from the general French art of taking your time, or perhaps came with all the experience; one thing’s for sure: I no longer rush myself unnecessarily. Sure, if I’m running late to an appointment I try to put some pep to my step- but that’s not what I am referring to. I’m referring to the need to graduate by a certain age, to find a job promptly after, to jump into a relationship soon after one ends, etc. Things will come in due time, and so long as we are putting in our part, I firmly believe things happen as they should and when they should. I’m sure this laissez-faire attitude might be chaos to some, certainly to myself a year ago; but not anymore. I will gladly stop to smell the roses- and often- now.

Accountability and honesty is key in all relationships- especially the one you have with yourself. Perhaps the hardest-learned lesson of all has been this one. When you’ve been a certain way all your life it’s difficult to imagine being any other way. That sounds obvious, but to those who lack self-awareness it really can seem unfathomable. Sometimes it’s easier to lie to ourselves; after all, it is a coping mechanism (and one that I’m quite familiar with). Here’s the thing about lying to yourself and refusing to change though: it catches up with you. It always, always does- especially when you start to build meaningful relationships with others. Someone who refuses to see themselves for who they are will never be able to grow, and if you refuse to grow you’ll just keep repeating past patterns and behaviors all your life. I spent my life blaming others for things and it wasn’t until I turned the focus inward that I was able to see what role I played in my own unhappiness. While this is still a work in progress, I can’t imagine being anything but transparent now with myself and others.

xo