Here’s to Changes

I have officially been in the United Kingdom for 24 hours and wow, I can’t believe I’m really here. All the uncertainty, stress and exhaustion of the last six months has led me to this point where the next chapter of my life begins. I applied to three grad schools in January of this year not thinking any would accept me; two didn’t but one did: the University of Oxford. Do you believe things happen for a reason? We’re big on manifestations and the Law of Attraction here at EA and thus I firmly believe I’ve been manifesting this moment for years now. Perhaps I’ll blog about that should anyone be curious to hear more. But for now, it’s official: I am an MPhil student at the Oxford School of Global and Area Studies!

I’ve left a lot behind, or rather, I’ve left things which have meant a lot to me behind. I’ve mentioned before that I dislike change but understand that it is inevitable- especially if you are wanting to grow (emotionally, personally, spiritually, mentally, etc.). Learning that I got accepted to Oxford has brought up a whirlwind of emotions for me, and while some have been good, I admit that the majority have been not as pleasant. I feel undeserving, like I got lucky and like I’m going to fail. I know that’s an awful thing to admit but it’s the truth. That’s the thing about growing: you have to face the discomfort and grow through it, which is exactly what I’m doing. I’m embracing the change and the idea that I do belong here, that I am deserving of being here, and that I will excel here. As the saying goes, “I didn’t come this far just to come this far.” And I won’t.

While I feel like the student in me died December 2020 when I graduated, we’re going to resuscitate that bad girl and she’s going to absolutely kill it at Oxford. She’ll be back and better than ever- I am back and better than ever. The changes unfolding throughout my life are not strictly academic nor location based but also rooted in self-love, acceptance and growth. How much more will it take for me to realize that I’ve always been good enough, deserving enough, smart enough? It starts today. This is the definitive point where I’ll remember never again shrinking myself for the comfort and ease of others before my own. It’s going to feel uncomfortable (saying it here already does a bit) but that’s change for you, baby. We’re growing through the discomfort.

xo

Ami